BeBuffWellness Rebooted!

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I’M ALIVE!

Yeah, I know I haven’t written in quite a long time. There are many valid reasons I could give, but to be real, I’ve been down – down on myself, down on life, down on everything – for awhile.

Thing is, I had been working so hard on what mattered most to me, that when I suddenly got punched in the face with a bit of adversity, I folded like a back hand of poker.

Let me explain.

To make a dream come true, you have to work hard as hell at it. It can take years to see any real success manifest itself. You do all that is necessary to achieve your goals, sacrificing everything possible to get to where you want to be. And then as you are standing on top of the mountain, hands raised in victory, something goes awry.

January 22, 2015.

One year, 7 months, and 29 days ago.

That’s the date my world got hit by a giant fucking asteroid.

Before that day I was so in love with my lifestyle. I was strong, fit and healthy. I was completing half marathons, powering through obstacle races, training and teaching fitness classes. My life was full of activity.

Then, that day came. A day, where nothing was out of the ordinary. Except, I hurt myself. I hurt myself badly. That day, I herniated my L4-L5 vertebrae. And I discovered, it’s an injury I will live with for the rest of my life.

It happened so quickly. I’ve talked about it before, how I was just going about my normal routine when my body gave way at its weakness point.

I couldn’t workout. I couldn’t teach. Hell, I could barely walk. As a Personal Trainer, it was heartbreaking. I couldn’t do anything. But after a few months of PT, my back felt better, so I attempted to go back to work.  That didn’t really work out. I tried to run. That didn’t work either. Anytime I did anything, it hurt. This shit was maddening.

At some point, I came off my paleo diet and started eating like mad. My old bad habits from years prior slowly crept back into my life. I was sitting around instead of moving. I was eating pizza and cake, instead of salad, and fruit. I fell into a serious depressive mode. How could I be a personal trainer and fitness instructor and build a business when I couldn’t even move??? I tried so many different yoga classes, but it still was no help.

And as that went on, the numbers on the scale started rising. First 5 pounds, then 10, then 20. For over a year, things went on like this. I started buying larger clothes, feeling tired, and pretty damn bad about myself.

But it wasn’t until I got punched in the face last week that I understood what truly had happened when I herniated my disk. I had allowed my suppressed demons to reemerge and take over. Last week, I stood on the scale, staring at the numbers is utter disbelief: 207.8

I had gained nearly 58 pounds.

I puked. I cried. I got fucking mad. How did I let things get this far?

I looked in the mirror and made a decision: this was no longer acceptable. This was not me. I was going to lose this weight and get my body back to being strong and lean. I was going to be an example not only for my clients, but for my daughter. I was going to be the Wonder Woman I knew I was inside. Not one more damn minute was I going to sit around boohooing my situation. I am so much better than that.

So here we are. Are you here with me? If so, let’s do this. Let’s take on the challenge together.
If you are going through a rough patch with your healthy lifestyle, let me know in the comments below. You are not the only one, and you won’t be the last. Let’s pick each other up and ride side by side.

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