I Stopped Loving Myself

On Friday, I had a “What The Fuck” moment that really woke me up. Yes, I curse sometimes. Deal with it.

I got out of bed, walked to the bathroom, and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair was natty (almost in dreadlocks), my face looked like it was on the verge of a major breakout, my teeth were yellow and gritty, my nails were brittle and cracking and my skin was dry. In addition to all that, My gut had grown larger and the muscle tone from my arms were all but gone. I was, what we in Brooklyn like to call, a “Hot Ghetto Mess”.

How had this happened?


The injury to my back has really knocked me for a loop. Not being able to exercise at all had changed all my habits and my days had gone from moving all day, every day to sitting on the bed, reading, playing Farm Heroes Saga, or watching bad cable TV. I went from my paleo diet to eating 7/11 pizza, glazed donuts, and drinking Coke.

I had allowed my injuries (including the original one to my left hip) to get to me and I reverted to bad habits and had welcomed old foes back into my life.

I had stopped loving myself.

When you love yourself, you eat right, you exercise, you cultivate the mind. I wasn’t doing any of that. I was moping. I was feeling sorry for myself. I was reeling from physical inability, which I treated as loss of self-worth.

I had let myself down.

As I stood there in the mirror, wondering why I’d let things go so far south, I realized that I had the power to stop this runaway train. I immediately hit the emergency brake.

No mas!

So I got in the shower and took care of business. I washed, conditioned, and detangled my hair. I used my face with Proactive+, brushed my teeth, plucked the small hairs from my chin (yes I am one of those women), and put on some deodorant. I lotioned up the rest of my body, clipped and filed my nails, and styled my hair. That was all it took.

In just 75 minutes, I had gone from messy to fresh faced. My skin looked brighter, my hair was done, and my nails no longer looked like they belonged to the wicked witch. I looked (and felt) like myself again.

It’s amazing how taking care of ourselves can change our perspective. I had decided that I wasn’t going to continue down that path any longer. It was lonely there, and I could feel the monster of depression hunting me in the darkness. I would not let him catch me. So I walked off the path and back into the light.

Since I am a Fitness Professional, you are probably asking yourself, how did you let all this happen?

Come close. I’m gong to let you in on a little secret.

*whispers* Personal Trainers and Fitness Instructors are human.

SAY WHAT?

Yeah, I said it.

Just because we know the way, doesn’t mean we follow it all the time. Shit happens. No one is perfect. NO ONE.

Because we all react to situations differently. You may be struggling right now. You may have had a loss in your family. Maybe you are like me and suffering from an injury. Or maybe you lost your job. I allowed my situation to make me stop loving myself. Whatever it is that may be hurting you, don’t stop loving yourself because of it.

You are ALWAYS worth the love you give yourself. No one is more deserving of it.

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2 thoughts on “I Stopped Loving Myself

  1. Jordan says:

    *round of applause* Trainers go through it too. As long as you realize what’s happening & get back on track it’s just another dip & you climb to success. I mean I’ve had those moments of *Ugh, what is wrong with me? I need to get my life!* and then i get it. Putting yourself first is always so important!

    Like

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